elcome! Greetings my fellow Americans. And girl ones, too. These are times of divisions. Red states and blue states. The have-nots and the have-tons-of. The imbecilic, and the amazingly even more imbecilic.
But our America is an enormous fondue pot, where smelly cheeses of all types can meld together in a sort of warm oily mass, for citizens and non-legal residents alike to dip dry bread crumbs on a long metal stick into.
It is my duty to bridge these societal gaps, or at least mince along the fine line between them as deftly as a damn ballerina. ...
Will I seek re-election in the year 2008? I-don't-know-maybe-what-the-hell-sure-I-guess-so. Over the next months I will determine the will of the electorate... and when I say "electorate," I actually don't have a clue what it means, though I suspect it's some type of scalp condition.
In my short time in office, I have learned much about our great nation, for instance; that I can order a tuna fish sandwich from the White House kitchen at 5:00 AM and then send it back at the last minute in favor of a meatball sub. Or, that my motorcade can drive right over a hobo without any apparent repercussions.
I will be addressing you frequently my loyal brethren, citizens, brothers and/or sisters, livestock and upright walking reptile/human hybrids but for now I bid to all those patriots who carry in their hearts a national pride in our own unique culture... "Adieu."